Every romantic relationship, at some point, demands some negotiations, compromise, and sacrifice. It’s a slippery slope to not lose yourself by compromising too much. Losing yourself in a relationship is common and happens all too often. You wake up one day and say to yourself, I don’t know who I am anymore. You have negotiated away your personality, your beliefs, your dreams, your friends, and you have no idea who your real self is. All in the name of love.
Good news! It doesn’t have to be that way. You can be in a relationship AND be true to yourself. You can commit to another AND remain committed to yourself!
Usually, what we want from a relationship is to be loved, acknowledged, appreciated and supported by our partner, for who we are. All relationships start out just that way. In order for it to continue to grow, we need to continue to BE WHO WE ARE.
When you know who you are, and love yourself for who you are, you are happier and more capable of intimacy, love, and passion in your relationship. After doing lots of research, reading countless articles, and talking to numerous people, I have come up with some helpful suggestions on how to maintain your identity.
- Solo time – Do your own thing. Have a hobby. Outside interests keep you unique and should be encouraged by both partners for both partners.
- Maintain financial independence – You feel more secure when you have your own money and don’t need to rely on your partner financially. It also removes a weighty burden from them.
- Stay connected with your friends and family – You need your tribe. They will be the voice of reason and will continue to tell you when your pants make you look fat. Don’t push these peeps to the wayside.
- Set up those boundaries – How much space do you need? How often will you communicate? How will you resolve arguments? What about sex?
- Keep your logic thinking cap handy – Sometimes you need to step back and look at the relationship logically. You must listen to your heart and your head. Not so romantic, but really important!
- ALWAYS BE YOU – You are perfectly imperfect. Do things in your own quirky, silly way. Like what you like, dislike what you dislike. Dream what you dare to dream. You are unique, and beautiful, and strong. Remind yourself of that every day!
REMEMBER THE PERSON WHO truly and genuinely loves you, will never want to change you or want you to be anyone else, but who you are.